Why I Am Going to Bosnia And Herzegovina....

When I was a little girl my mom took me to a New Tribes Mission Conference. I loved hearing about other cultures, what they wore, what they ate, seeing the pictures of where they lived, and most of all seeing what God was doing. I remember telling my mom that I wanted to go Peru, Africa, or wherever God would take me. In our church at the time, I was in a club for girls called GA’s (Girls in Action) and then moved on to ActTeens, I learned a lot about Missionaries in this club from Mrs. Betty North. We helped missionaries by raising money and we did mission work in our town. Missions have always been a passion of mine. 

I feel led this time in my life to go to Bosnia, other times it was more of “oh I would love to go there”. This time, I really feel like God has prepared my heart. I have walked through some shadowy times. Times of uncertainty with health, where my physical, emotional, and spiritual health were shaken up! God met me in my uncertainty and in my brokenness. While my hurt was still raw something new would arise. I was never facing it alone. God planted people in my path building relationships. Sometimes, we need to be that person. The one that shows mercy. God’s Shepherds sometimes are just the friendly faces that help out at English camps, puppet ministry, and build relational bridges and Shine the light in dark places.

                                                                                 

I asked God to use me, send me, and I will follow whether it is here in Longview, WA. Or across the ocean.

He has his own drum and beat that we dance to

 He has his own drum and beat that we dance to

Much of my son KJ's life he has marched to his own drum...a different drum. I for the last 17 nearing 18 years have been able to see the world in his view. I have seen the excitement as well what is frustrating and what hurts.

I have watched him accomplish many things just to spite those who said he could never succeed. KJ was diagnosed at the age of 6 with ADHD; I knew there was something more with my son. He really didn't start to talk until he was two and still it was only sounds and one word Dada. He had a heightened sensitivity that most wouldn't even think twice about. He had more energy than anyone I have ever known in my entire life and him rarely if ever slept. Even as an infant and through toddler stage I was very much sleep deprived due to this super human child!

It was really hard at first I so desperately wanted to hold my child and show him affection like every mom does. I still remember to this day the time I tried to hug him and he screamed at me began to rock. So let’s fast forward from this back story up to the point of diagnosis. 

KJ was seven years old and still wandering off. He would repeat sounds, phrases, and words that he would hear especially when feeling a bit anxious. He would still tear his clothes of screaming "I Itchy" To be straight with you this could happen in our home, out in the yard, and I kid you not once in a clothing store. At an ADHD medicine review, I brought these things as well as a few other things KJ does to the attention of his doctor.  His doctor looked at me and asked if I had ever heard of Asperger syndrome. I must have looked upset, confused, and horrified all at once. Because he smiled and then he began to explain what it was to me and assured me he wasn't calling my son names or anything of the sorts. 

Little did I know that this was a journey that we were on; more like a roller coaster ride that I couldn't get off so I might as well stay on, hold on tight, and enjoy this ride. I did not know what was facing the Gilman family at this time. I did not know that we would face some pretty horrid discrimination nor did I realize that I would have the strength that I have now.

Sure I am not always the strong woman that appears on the outside there are moments, days, months where I feel defeated by not being what my son needs me to be. I have overheard people whisper (or at least they thought they were whispering) making comments about us or our son. In fact, I have had people flat out get in my face and tell me their opinion. No, I am not ranting or whining; mostly what I am doing is therapeutic. To write it down...or type it out...

We can fast forward a little more...I have seen KJ accomplish things like going from mostly resource room to mostly mainstream classes. I have watched my son endure both physical and emotional pain from peers and sadly some adults. Lets FFW just a tad more...Our boy graduated high school and he had some pretty good grades (yes I am taking a moment to brag on my awesome child...just FYI I have four amazing children but right now the spot light is on KJ)...He was pretty much all mainstream except one class (due to schedule conflicts). He has an amazing view on his life. He knows that he is loved, his parents stand by him and advocate for him, and today my son gives me hugs. For most people this is nothing but to the Gilman family this is huge. 

He has an imagination that most wish for. He can come up with; book ideas, movies, and show ideas on the spot. He is funny, he makes us laugh. He Has overcome obsticles that have been in his way and shown doubters that he truly can accomplish what he sets his mind on.

I know that sometimes I have to bite my cheek and grin and nod but there are times where this mom has to whip out her "Super Hero Mom" cape. So I may not literally have a cape and I know that I am not a super human. I am a wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunty and most of all I am an advocate and educator to those who don't know. I am still on this roller coaster and today I am hanging on for dear life. No matter what is thrown at me I will make it through this day.

I am going to close with this post I made on my facebook today.

I think it is safe to say parents with children who have Autism, ADHD, Tourettes etc are often judged pretty harshly by society...I also think it is safe to say that our children are judged even more harshly. Today I REFUSE to let society define myself or my children. Only one can define us and HE is all that matters. I usually pick a song on my playlist to be my theme song for the day and well today I have two. The fact that they were top on the list I don't think it was coincidence; Song 1) "Overcomer" by Mandisa Song 2) "Wanted" by Dara Maclean